we travel not to escape life, but for life not to escape us

I've got a LOT of issues. Read to make yourself feel better.

January 23, 2014

Well well well
cool eyeball! ... and these are REAL nerd glasses - those babies are thinned down too!!!
me & my neph - has nothing to do with this post. 

Whose wise idea was it to start a new blog over break and then immediately abandon it as soon as school started???

But ya'll.

School has been ca-raaazzzyyy!!

Last semester whenever someone asked me about law school I just kind of shrugged and was like, "It's OK" .. it definitely wasn't anything comparable to being a teacher in terms of workload.

This semester though....


First, I'm taking an extra class. Second, the teachers are assigning more reading. Third, I forgot how to read fast for law school. Fourth, all the first cases are like cases from the 1800s that are so dense. Fifth, all my teachers this semester are fans of the lovely 'cold-call' whereas I only had ONE teacher who did that last semester and she called on me the first day so then I didn't have to worry about it for the rest of the semester.

Also - I'm "running" the Disney Prince Half-Marathon in exactly ONE MONTH from today, and guess who can't even make it three miles without stopping?? #awesome

I'm not overly concerned though for a lot of reasons.

#1. On Sunday I could only run .5 miles before I stopped (I made myself stop bc my heart rate was at 183 and I don't want my HR over 180 when I'm exercising bc I get exercise migraines if I push myself that hard).

#2. Today, my third run of the week, I made it 2.5 miles. Running is SO mental, ya'll, I just have to condition myself to be used to working out for 2-3 hours

#3. You have to complete the half at a pace of 16-min mile .. I can walk that so the worst case scenario is I walk a huge chunk of it.

-- The reason I haven't been training is because I was really sick in December, and then I went to NYC, where you may or may not have learned it was SO FUCKING COLD. So, lame excuses, but, they're there nonetheless. I've been feeling 'weird' ... is the only explanation on and off for a few months now, and I've diagnosed myself with everything from panic attacks to brain aneurisms to atrial fibrillation and it's really made me scared to exercise -- but one good thing did come from it - I *quit* (tentatively) soda -- Saturday is one week soda AND caffeine free!!! That deserves an entire post on it's own bc I have literally been trying for YEARS to quit and I could never do it, but convince myself that it's causing me to have these panic attacks and I stop cold turkey.

THe issue is that I will wake up in the middle of the night and my heart is beating (what feels like) REALLY fast. Not only that but I can't go back to sleep because I can feel my heart beating. Like ,I really took for granted how nice it is to NOT feel my heart beating out of my chest because the sensation is just so offputting that I can't fall back asleep. Which is turrrrible. And also it makes me afraid to go to sleep. #notnormal. I've kind of linked it to sleeping on my side but this is absolutely devastating to me bc I switch positions all night when I sleep and my favorite way to sleep is on my side and on my stomach.

At first I thought it was panic attacks but I don't think it is for a few reasons. First, I'm being woken up with this rapid heartbeat, second, it doesn't fade away after ten or even thirty minutes ... it lasts HOURS (or what feels like hours), and third (& maybe most obviously), I'm not stressed/anxious/worried about anything in life....except for the rapid heart beat thing!

I am going to the doc- but you can't get appointments for weeks with these peeps! My biggest fear is that something would happen to me and I'm all alone and no one would know and I'd die. Morbid much? I know. But both my dad and my aunt died on their own and were "found".

I probably feel my HR /pulse about 50 times a day. I wish I was exaggerating. I don't always count it but I feel it. I'll just be sitting in class and casually put my fingers on my neck and count my HR. Cool huh? But, have no fear- I also made an appt at the psych clinic on campus bc I just can't live this way! It's out of control.

So, there you have it - law school, rapid heartbeats, half-marathons...living the life, folks, living the life!!

P.S. - I DO have a tumblr which I update more often because, well, it's tumblr ... so if you're interested in that (it's mostly law school stuff) the address is http://sometypeaway.tumblr.com.


all is right in the world.



  1. Ugh girl I feel your law school pain. Being a 1L was HELL, and I still have cold-call dreams. even now that I'm a lawyer and no longer in school! My vision significantly worsened during law school tho, so keep an eye out for that (bahaha I crack myself up!) Anyways, I hope you get some answers from your doctor about your rapid heartbeat!

  2. oooh can't wait to check out your tumblr! sorry school is so buy, but maybe that is a good thing?

  3. Half-Marathon among all of this?!! Go girl!

  4. That heart racing is so scary! Hope you figure it out! And props to you for doing the half- you can definitely manage the 16 minute-miles. I will be impressed if you run even a bit!


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