How far along are you: 20 weeks

Cravings: diet dr pepper cherry 😓

Weight gained: 0 lbs net; 10 lbs since lowest weight 

Sleep: pretty good most nights, i wake up about twice to pee, and sometimes around 3am i can't go back to sleep. usually i go sleep in the guest bedroom when that happens. 

Baby Movement: i just started to really feel (with confidence) this week. every time i feel her i put my hand on my stomach and a couple times i felt a really good kick!  i made felipe put his hand on my stomach too and he said he felt her!

How are you feeling: i am feeling that second trimester honeymoon feeling!! seriously feel remarkably well, especially in comparison to how terrible i felt in the first trimester, and now i'm wanting to eat more, exercise, etc. basically i feel completely normal. i dont even feel super preggo -- because my weight is really the same as it was pre-pregnancy (i started overweight), but the doctor said on friday my weight gain was "excellent" -- lol -- probably the first and last time I'll hear that in my life!

Names: Ava! Ava Rae, Ava Rose . . . today Amy suggested Amy Grace and at first I was like, noo but now i was thinking about it and I really like it. 

Gender: una chiquita : )

Favorite maternity clothes: i haven't really been wearing maternity clothes yet. i have a pair of target maternity jeans and a pair of asos tall maternity ripped jeans i've worn. but i'm at the weird period where my regular clothes are too tight but the maternity is too loose. 

Diaper bag: i bought a $10 diaper bag off amazon. even though there are tons of cute diaper bags, and i love a good bag, i'm not interested in dropping a lot of money on that until I know more about how i'll use it and what i'll want. 

A Busy Month

As I sit here on Sunday night, drinking wine, watching Arrival, and relishing the fact that I am finally over a 2 week mega-Cold, I can't help but think about how I always have to be *doing*. What's weird is that 90% of my *doing* on the weekend or in my free time is truly useless. Time spent pointlessly on social media, scrolling-scrolling-scrolling, and picking up new hobbies while easily tossing aside last weeks' ... I can't help but ask myself what is a really fulfilling way I can spend my time, what do I really want to do?

One of the hobbies I've picked up over the past couple of years is "planning." LOL. Yes, this is a real thing. The "planner community" is a real thing. If you search on Facebook you will find hundreds of planning groups. The biggest one I'm in - Planners Gone Wild - has over 30,000 members (!!). There is an annual planner convention - this year it's in Nashville - tickets are $435 to attend, and it includes tons of "planner swag." I wanted to go last year but didn't, and this year I told myself if tickets were still available the day after they went on sale, I'd go -- I think they sold out in like 5 minutes. Anyway, it was a sign, I didn't need to spend the money.

The reason I like "planning" so much (also, bullet journaling is included in this, and I love to look at bullet journalers on IG/FB) is because of the memory aspect of it. Then, like tonight, I was like, OK I'm gonna work on finishing our Honeymoon planning/journaling but then it just seems so exhausting to pull out all the (too-many) supplies I have, go through pictures, print the best, figure out how to lay them out, etc. etc.

I wonder how I was so in love with journaling and blogging for so long and then I just stopped. When bloggers I'd read would just stop I'd think, "How can they just stop? That'll never be me. I'll never run out of things to say." The truth is, I don't think I ever ran out of things to say, but I started doubted my ability to say them. Everything had to be thought through, all the pictures had to be perfect, etc. etc. (I never did and they never were).

BUT, Man, is it so great to be able to come back here and look at posts I wrote 5, 6, 7 years ago. It's awesome. Even the not-so-great pictures, they are great because they bring me back to that moment.

The posts I am like meh about, those are the posts that I wrote when I fell into the "blogger" hole. Here's a list of 10 ways you know it's Friday. Celebrities that look like animals. A bunch of random memes/gifs with no context. Hahah. I mean, it's fine if people write that, they definitely have a shelf-life though, and ultimately, that's not why I blog.

Why I blog is to remember, and, one day, to give a memory to my children. I see so many cool things parents do for their children - blogging, scrapbooking, opening an email address and sending them emails -- to be opened on their 18th bday - etc. etc. I would have loved  to look back at those memories. Of course, with social media, I think it will be easy to give those memories now.

So, here's an update: 

view from the conference hotel

February has been an over-the-top busy month for me. Despite the fact that my billable hours are still alarmingly low, I volunteered on the operations committee of a big law conference that took place this month. That meant I had to organize all the presentations, get food for volunteers, go on walk-throughs of the hotel, correspond with vendors, etc. etc. This was a really great opportunity for me to meet very well-established attorneys that I otherwise would not have had the opportunity to meet, nevermind work with, but it really wore me down.

Then, amazingly, after not having any friends visit since we've lived in Florida (okay, I get it, noone wants to come to Tallahassee), we had three friends visit. It was so great but I feel kind of guilty bc I was exhausted from that conference, and still sick.

 While they were here we did a lot of very "Miami" things, including going to Wynwood (which I love), Lagniappe (very cool jazz spot with huge backyard garden), drank mojitos, ate cuban food on Lincoln Road, sat by the water, visited the Vizcaya museum, had a drink at Sugar (rooftop bar), ate seafood at the River Oyster Bar, and went to a super cute restaurant in out neighborhood. It's interesting because I feel like (and joke that) Felipe and I are so lame and don't do anything, but the more I thought about it the more I realize that we have done a lot of exploring, at least in our neighborhood and it honestly never disappoints. I truly cannot believe how much I love Miami. Such an unexpected (happy) surprise!

inside the vizcaya museum

built at the vizcaya house to break waves 

donuts from the salty donut - a miami legend - and it DID NOT DISAPPOINT!!! 

(when you think you look normal even though your sick but then your eyes give you away)

Work has been picking up for me. And by picking up I mean I will be relatively to mildly busy and then at like noon I will get an assignment that needs to be done ASAP and I will stay up till 1am working .... 😒 So, I guess that's to be expected but it's really stressful for me because -- as I mentioned above, "planning" is a new hobby of mine so I really don't like it when my "plans" get thrown. LOL. I guess I have to deal with it because it's just the nature of the job.

Coming up: 

We have more guests this weekend. Then, Felipe is going out of town the following week, then the following weekend is his bday, and then at the end of March we're going up to NY for my sister-in-law's wedding (she's marrying my former colleague-- they met at my birthday party! 💗).

So, that's where I'm at. And I'm SO SAD about Bill Paxton, star of my first real horror movie: Twister.

xox

Anxiety & Relaxing

well I have to admit that I thought this summer would be a time to relax, reflect and recharge from my first year of law school till my second. sure, I'm taking classes and working, but for some reason I thought my schedule would be easier. *laughing at myself*

I work every morning for four hours, have a lunch break, then head to class until 5:40 or 3:00, depending on the day. That doesn't seem so bad, but then I almost always have stuff going on in the evenings too. I'm the type of person that NEEDS time to decompress every day, and if I don't have that it causes me a tremendous amount of anxiety. 

I started going to a therapist in February to work on panic attacks/anxiety. I definitely don't have the same level of anxiety as other people and I've only ever experienced one (maybe two) real panic attacks. But, I have anxiety about having a panic attack and that is pretty brutal as well. 

Anyways, I need to work on relaxing. This is why I wonder how I could ever be successful as a mom. I just can't imagine giving up all my free time to little people who need my attention. I have to go to bed at 10pm every night or I'm exhausted. I hear this is basically impossible as a mom, so, I don't know. 

I also am missing my *girl-time*. I do have girl friends here (including one of my besties), but I miss working with my best girl friends. I wouldn't say I took it for granted when I worked with my group of 6 girlfriends, because I think I appreciated it at the time, but I really miss it. Eating lunch together, venting about whatever, going out straight to happy hour . . . good times.

I hate it when women say they have all man friends because girls are just too much drama. That might be semi-true, but I also think there's probably something wrong with you if you don't have a least a couple (or even one) really good girl friend. Men and women just communicate differently & sometimes you need your girlfriends to have a good vent with. Amirite?

Also, back to the relaxing thing ... it's weird because as a teacher I felt like a constant level of stress/anxiety but I never felt like how I'm feeling now. Maybe I just learned to live with that stress -- it was a "known" stress. But I also think I was pretty good at unwinding. One of my favorite things to do, was(is?) - you guessed it - blogging! I love to write. I have been writing since I can remember. My first diaries were in 2nd grade and I never stopped. But, I don't know. I have felt so uninspired to blogggg lately, everytime I open this box I start typing something, then delete it, all the while planning out blog posts in my mind on my run or while driving.

So, I'm going to make a more concerted effort to blog something every day. I'm not going to have pictures and I'm not going to have a lot to say, but I like it so I need to prioritize it.

This weekend I'm going to Orlando w/Felipe for one of my bestie's bdays. I'm excited because we're staying Fri & Sat night at a hotel across from Downtown Disney. . . well, I'm just excited to have a chance to stay in a hotel, lay by the pool, and, *surprise* RELAX!

What about you? How do you relax?

Life Lately

I miss blogging on the reg... but the problem is that I have no room left in my brain to have anything intelligent or interesting to blog about. 

 

It's Monday though, so that's a pretty easy blog post, right? My weekend?

 

Well. . . the weekend life of a law student during finals week. 

 

I have my constitutional law final today from 1-5. Then Contracts on Thursday, then Legislation & Regulation (kill me!) on Monday, then Criminal Law on next Thursday.

The good news is that all of my finals are 1-5, the bad news is that I have four finals. One thing at a time, one thing at a time.

But, one thing that has been SO AWESOME this past week is that Felipe is now living in Florida with me!! WHOOOOOO!!

I obviously knew it would be awesome when Felipe moved down but I didn't realize even just little things that are great. For example, one of my favorite things to cook is buffalo chicken in the crockpot, but the problem is that it makes SO MUCH and I have leftovers for a week. Felipe's here - leftovers for one day. Perfect!

He also has just been such an amazing help to me this past week as far as helping cook, clean, etc. I feel bad because he's definitely doing more housework than me but hopefully I'll make up for it after finals! (We'll see, I'm notoriously bad at chores!)

His job is letting him work remotely from Florida, so that is really great. We went on a walk the other night around the neighborhood, went to dinner on Friday, watched This is 40 on Saturday and went to lunch with A&R yesterday. And that has been my wild weekend. You know I'm busy when I only take TWO PICTURES during the entire week!

 Studying @ Panera ... I accidentally got back on the sauce! (I quit soda on Jan 19 -- but this past week I drank it TWICE!!)

creeps. 

So anyways, that's about all that's going on in my life.

I'm taking summer classes and doing an externship and unfortunately that starts the MONDAY right after exams finish. #norestfortheweary.

 

Broken Ankles & So What if I exaggerate

friends with beachhouses. #donthateit

So, it's finals time again, which means I will undoubtedly start blogging a little bit more (yay, procrastination!)

I just want to take a second to whine though. 

I'm trying really hard to be healthy/work out/all that jazz because, I just FEEL BETTER when I do. Last week I cut carbs out so much and basically consisted on fruits/veggies/tuna. It was great. My ankle has been bothering me since the day before my half-marathon (in February) when I slipped on some weird little ball while running. It wasn't a ball, it was something that fell from trees, I don't know what they are - giant seeds? Anyways, I stepped on it (purposely -_-) when I was running because I thought I would crush it, but instead it rolled...yanno, like a ball, and it caused me to land SO HARD on my heel/ankle and it hurt like a mother. Soo, what did I do? Kept running, o'course. Then I ran a half marathon. I have lost all my running endurance since then because every time i went running my ankle would hurt. Not terribly, but just enough to make it uncomfortable and just enough to make me not want to do it. But, the last two times I went, it really was like I broke it for 3-4 days afterwards. It hurts SO bad and I am literally limping. I went to my friend's beach house this past weekend and she was like, let's go for a walk on the beach! And we're all like, yeah! And then I could barely walk because my heel was sinking into the sand and when I'd have to lift it up it was so painful. It also hurts really bad when I walk up/down stairs. So, awesome. 

like really unnaturally cold in florida this past weekend. had to discover other non-beach activities.

I'm going to the dr. tmrw. WHY do they make everything so complicated? I have to go the regular doctor to get a referall for an orthopedist. -_-. Just fix me, dammit!

Anyways, it's just annoying because I feel like I always get on a roll and then something happens and I just give up. I mean, I don't want to hurt myself so I'm not really sure what else I could be doing re: exercise, but I could definitely be doing better with eating!!!

But, blah blah, tired of hearing myself talk about the same stuff. 

The exciting news is that Felipe is here and YAYAYAYYA, I'm so happy! 

 

The sad news is that FINALS. 

 

Everyone's finals stress is the worst. I try not to let it affect me - especially because last semester I was like OMG I'm the dumbest person alive bc I'm not worried about this like everyone else, and then I did really well. But this time I'm afraid I'm not worried enough.

Also, I just want to be a giant bitch here for a second. Everyone's like, whoo! You did it ! Survived your 1L year of law school. I mean, BIG DEAL. I don't know, I'm such an old lady snob, but it's like - you survived going to class and taking 3 finals so far. That's literally what you survived. Because, right now, as a 1L student, I have literally only taken three finals, turned in 1 memo and 1 brief -- since August. (I also did other stuff but that's because I'm on a journal.) Now, I'm definitely gonna be pizzummpeedd (bringing back the random "zzzz"s into words) when my last FINAL is over Yes, then I might be turnt up (turned up? turn up? #oldladyprobs). 

TODAY IS THE DAY!!

After almost EIGHT months of living 1000 miles apart,  Felipe is moving from NYC to Tallahassee today!!  

  I AM SO EXCITED I CAN'T STAND IT!
The only good thing about doing long distance is how excited you are to see your significant other (it's been 2 months since I saw Felipe in person!) The only thing I can compare it to is Christmas morning as a 5 year old or the last day of school before summer as a teacher! haha!
 

How To Make Your Legs Feel Like They Were Beat With A Bat! (and other stories)

Happy Monday, y'all! 

And it IS happy for me because I'm on Spring Break! What, what! I mean, it's not spring break like it was in undergrad, or even as a teacher, because this spring break I'm just so excited to be able to catch up on all my school work, and outline for finals and hopefully finish my brief. So, in other words, I'm working all week but at least going to class won't get in the way!

I had a pretty good weekend. 

Friday night I had to stay in to finish these practice exam questions for my Contracts class. OK, I didn't HAVE to do them but my professor was gone for almost two weeks (he was working on something in Greece) and he said if we did them and sent them to him by midnight on Friday (you can see I'm such a diligent student) he would read them and send back comments embedded in our word doc. This is pretty amazing because law profs NEVER grade the practice problems they give you -- it would just be too much work for them. It took over a month to get my grades back from my finals last semester so of course they don't want to deal with that stuff during the semester. 

 

Saturday morning I went to do another stadium workout with Amanda and Sophie. These girls are nuts (in a good way!) and way better at working out than me so it's good to work out with them. This time I tried to actually run up the stadium steps a few times (last time I just walked) and my calves are not happy with me because of that. 

 

Saturday night we went to dinner at this pizza place -- it was my second time and I decided I don't like it. I mean, maybe I'm a pizza snob after living in NYC, but this is like a "fancy" pizza place that supposedly has wood-oven pizza...but the crust is never crunchy. 

 

Then we went to a new bar that just opened next door. It just seemed unfinished to me. There were a lot of people there probably because it just opened, but I wouldn't necessarily want to go back. I don't like "bars" where I'm sitting down at a table and there's no music or nothing to do. I need music, darts, bar jenga, pool, something! Even if I'm not playing the games, someone is. 

Yesterday I woke up with a little hangover and very sore legs but I decided it was so nice out I HAD to go running. My goal was to break a 10:00/mile. Usually I can't do it and I think it's because in my head I usually go for distance, not speed. This time I told myself it was OK if I had to walk after running as hard as I could for the mile. I have a nike tomtom watch and it will show me my "pace" as I'm going and it got down to like 8:50. I was like, holy shit! I'm gonna run this in sub-9:00/mile. But alas, baby steps. I did my first mile in 9:08!! I was so happy! I think on Sundays I'm gonna work on "speed training" because I really do want to get faster! 

I did 4 miles total and then later in the day I went and walked some trails with Amanda and Lola. Another 2.5 miles! So then I decided I deserved Chipotle and I watched Once Upon a Time, Resurrection, and Revenge. 

sunset from chipotle parking lot. haha

 

SPOILER ALERT:

- OUAT: Why do Neal & Hook get sent back with everyone else in the curse? They weren't brought there by the curse so it doesn't make sense that they would go back. Why wouldn't they have just crossed the line out of storybrook with Emma and Henry?

- Totally called that Walsh (what kind of name is that?) was a creep. 

- An otherwise blah episode that I've come to expect from OUAT where nothing really happens but you just keep watching, thinking maybe next time something will, and then they save it all for the season finale

- Resurrection: I don't know where they're going with this show and I definitely don't think it can be a multi-season show. 

- Revenge: HOW POINTLESS was the Victoria - Jimmy - Patrick thing????!! They just wanted a way to fill an episode with another "revenge" without having to flesh-out Emily's storyline. I will keep watching this show because I LOVE (and I mean LOVE) Aiden and Nolan, but I think it's so stupid!! Television viewers do not want to CONSTANTLY experience a "not again!" moment when watching a show! We want closure and we want the story to MOVE.FORWARD. I would have been totally happy if Emily's plan to frame Victoria had gone through, and then she showed up at her jail cell or sent her  a letter and was like, BTW - I'm David Clark's daughter. IN YO FACE. 

- UGH. But i'll keep watching. I literally cannot quit shows. (exception: Heroes).

I tried and I failed.

So, last week I tried out for my school's Mock Trial team. It is honestly the only thing I knew I really wanted to do before even coming to law school.

Well, if you haven't figured it out yet by the title of this post, I was not successful.

Now, I'm gonna go on a long rant about why the whole process is unfair and flawed. If you like reading whiny posts, then you've come to the right place!

#1. There were almost 100 people trying out. They take 20 people tops. Maybe 15-18 1L students (first year, like me) and 2-5 2L students (second year, mostly this is to give an opportunity to students who transfer in).

#2. None of the 1Ls take any classes that have anything to do with trials -- which means everything we know is from watching Law & Order and Legally Blonde. Except

#3. The huge chunk of 1Ls who did Mock Trial in undergrad, took Mock Trial classes in the past and/or whose parents are attorneys (including one girl whose father was actually one of the judges)

#4. You try out over 3 days. The first day is an opening statement, second day is cross examination, third day is closing. They do the cut after the second day. Why not do it after the first day for those of us who aren't going to make it to save us from the many hours of work they we devote to it when free time is already lacking so much in law school

#5. I tried out because I REALLY really want to do Trial Work. Okay, so you picked the people who are already the best to make them even better, but what about the people who really want to learn and get better? Why can't it be like a sports team and you just have a "bench" -- you don't have to send me to competitions around the country, but you could let people who really want to learn to come participate.

So yeah, I'm bitter.But also, sad.

I stepped outside my comfort zone just like Pinterest told me to, but I realized that Pinterest doesn't tell you what happens after you step out of your comfort zone. We all just assume it'll be great, but that is not always the case. Then I looked up "failure" on pinterest so I could find snarky quotes, but unfortunately all I did was find quotes that made me feel better. Jerky pinterest.

 

 I'm not usually the biggest fan of MM quotes, because I don't necessarily believe a Playboy model who had an affair with the President is the #1 lady I should be taking advice from, butttttt, this one really spoke to me because that's my problem. I fail once and then I get really down on myself, think I'm not good enough and I don't want to try again. Soooo, gonna try to fix that.

Tell me a story about a time you failed but then in the end everything turned out okay, to cheer me up? Please? (I mean, I know how everyone who lives in BlogLand is living the perfect life, but make an exception for moi?).

Happy Monday!

(& it is happy for me b/c my only class is cancelled! :D)